Friday, May 6, 2011

Bar Haiku, PPWC and You


Five days after the event ended, I may actually be recovered from all the awesome that was PPWC 2011. I was thinking about the recovery time and why it gets longer each year – and it is not because I am getting older. I reject that premise. It’s that the conference gets better every year. More sessions, amazing faculty, wonderful attendees. It takes longer to process all that I have learned. That’s my story, anyway.

From the amazing Phil Nutman, to the inspiring John Hart, and running the gamut from aspiring authors to those who are multi-published, the folks I played with this weekend have re-energized my own writing….wait, did I say playing?

In fact I did.

While in every way a professional conference which assists people in moving their careers to the next level, PPWC also does an amazing thing in bringing together a bunch of writers. If you’ve ever been around ‘a bunch of writers’ (not sure what number that is, only that there is a sort of tipping point to a gathering of writers that constitutes a ‘bunch’), then you know it is an odd and gorgeous collection of kindred creative souls who can finally be who they are in public…without having to apologize for the solitary hours spent at a keyboard, or spent listening to the voices in their heads, or for having the hubris to think they have something important to say.

Being me, I wanted to exploit…uh….commemorate the event in some way, so I spent about an hour or so after the main banquet Saturday night walking up to strangers in the bar asking them to write Bar Haiku. Ok, some of you weren’t strangers, technically, but you have to admit you’re strange. And if I didn’t think that before Bar Haiku….well, I do now.

Funny thing about writers – they like to write. Funny thing about writers who are asked to write Bar Haiku, is that they can’t seem to say no, and then I get to watch them stand around and count syllables for a while as they engage with the process. Which amuses me. Which was kind of the point…

At any rate, I have culled the submissions into two categories – one appropriate for the PPWC Writing from the Peak blog, and, well, the rest of them. Here we go with The Rest of Them.

Surreal Haiku
Haiku can be fun
But sometimes they make no sense

Booze Haiku
Beer, beer, beer, beer, beer,
Beer, beer, beer, beer, beer, beer, beer,
Beer, beer, beer, beer, beer

I can’t believe I’m
Finally twenty-one and
Drunk after one shot

T----- has Jack and coke
Inebriation ensues
What can one man do?

I hate alcohol
Don’t know why I’m in a bar
Oh, f---, now I’m drunk

Kind of about Sex Haiku
Pikes Peak Writers are done
The shoes and thongs have come out
Tomorrow we blaze the trail

Dirty martinis
Red lace panties hit the floor
Writer make your pitch

Male desperation
Hard wired to hunt and consume
Before the sunrise

Tattooed and muscled
Have him washed and brought to my
Tent and do it now

The well-known author
Surrounded by swooning girls
Work less, write more…sex?

I write books and junk
I can spell “décolletage”
But I can’t get it

Pouty lip bite, please?
If ever I could, I would.
See me in my dreams

Kegel, kegel…whoa
I must retain self-control
Um, what did you say?

Deb Haiku (a whole new and unexpected category)
Deb wants me to write
How can I when my brain’s fried?
With liquor in hand

Deb made me write this
She handed me the card and squinted
She got her money’s worth

I purposefully left off names, but if you signed the card when you gave it to me, I’m happy to add attribution. Wanted to give all you writers the option of claiming or not.

As you see, if you did not attend PPWC 2011, you missed a super time – from the perspective of furthering your career, and because you missed Bar Haiku with Deb. Do yourself a favor and join us for the 20th anniversary conference, PPWC 2012.

The Final Snippet: I like trees too, but I wouldn’t want to lick one (by all reports this conversation started with a discussion of the merits of gin….)

Deb Answers: Jessica in Springfield: No. Just no.


  1. Wish I could have gone
    Pike's Peak is the best conference
    Bar Haiku? Even better

  2. Margaret, my friend, you were missed :)

  3. Glad you posted these. I was accused of making up the one about kidnapping. :)

  4. Okay, I been thinkin': When life gives you lemons, don’t make lemonade. Make life take the lemons back! Get mad!

    “I don’t want your damn lemons! What am I supposed to do with these?”

    Demand to see life’s manager. Make life rue the day it thought it could give Cave Johnson lemons! Do you know who I am? I’m the man who’s gonna burn your house down! With the lemons! I’ll get my engineers to invent a combustible lemon that will burn your house down!