Thursday, December 31, 2009

Lion and Tigers and Hiatuses..Oh My

Or, Perseverance in the Face of One's Own Natural Inclination to Procrastinate.

Life has gotten to me, I admit. From a daily post, to a weekly-ish post to a roughly 2.5 month hiatus from posting which just sort of happened. Not in a bad way, just in quiet, withdraw-from-things-to-figure-out-stuff way.

Today, on the last day of 2009, I realize that I don't want to let go of Conversational Shoplifter...I like it, the idea of it and what it might grow into given half a chance. But there are other things that I have, in fact needed to let go of or otherwise change. And I have been....

And so, here's my reflection on 2009:

2009 as a year of Yeah, 2009 had a lot of change in it for me. Marital status, homeowner status, learning how to be a single mom, and 3, yes THREE different jobs. Losing beloved pets, needing to do major home repairs, change and adjustment, and lots of it. I seem to have processed through all of it relatively unscathed, even though there were many tears shed. I reminded myself repeatedly that change is an opportunity, and tried to experience it as such. On the whole, I did well enough that I am hopeful...2010 will likely offer its own array of change, but I am either no longer afraid of big changes OR I am just too tired to worry about them as much as I once would have. Some combination of those two is probably an okay thing.

2009 as a year of self-improvement: No, I don't mean I went to self-help seminars. Or a shrink (though I did do that at least twice). I mean in the sense of taking a long hard look at what I want in life and seeing what I could do to facilitate getting or achieving those things. And while I wasn't necessarily successful in completing all the things I wanted to, I was successful in moving away from or eliminating that which seemed to be holding me back. I let go of, in no particular order, habits, plans, control, useless emotional responses (such as bitterness or anger) and in a few instances, unfortunately, people whom I considered friends. The result seems to be a me who has far less trouble Getting Things Done, and since much of what I want in life requires this of me, this constitutes progress.

2009 as a year of progress: When we move away from things which do not work, we also move, by default, toward other things. Some of that which I am moving toward is clear to me, but much of it exists in some space too far out for me to see. E.L. Doctorow described writing a book like this: "It's like driving at night in the fog. You can only see as far as your headlights, but you can make the whole trip that way." I think this can be a metaphor for life, not just for writing. I know there is fog -- I see it -- but I also know that on the other side is some destination which I desire, even if I do not yet understand what it is or where it is or what it will mean for me. This is progress.

I hope your 2009 was as productive as mine seemed to be, and that 2010 will find you able to achieve that which you wish to grasp.

The Final Snippet: "After you finish shopping for shoes, we really need to have a discussion." (man speaking on a cell phone, overheard at the mall)