Friday, April 30, 2010

Huh? By which I mean, Huh?

Today's Shoplift is a piece of conversation I overheard while at a going-away lunch for a colleague. The context I believe, has to do with why one co-worker brought a laptop to the restaurant and was working while eating.

"Sometimes you are the horse's head, and sometimes you end up in the retarded monkey's lap."

That is all.

Please proceed with your normal routines now.

If you can.

I know I'm still tyring to figure out what this could possibly mean....

Monday, April 26, 2010

When Writers Get Talky

So, I spent the last four days at Pikes Peak Writers Conference, my 'home' conference, if you will allow me the indulgence. I have volunteered with PPWC (or the parent organization, Pikes Peak Writers) in some capacity or another since 2001. I love this conference, I love this group, and I love the people who comprise it.

I come away from conferences completely energized AND completely exhausted. I am trying to coin a word that accurately captures the state, but am still too brain dead. This year I taught four classes (three, technically I taught one twice), and ran the Flash Fiction Onsite Writing Contest. I made it to a few sessions, a lot of meals, and even managed some bar time (no mean feat what with the gimp leg). Exhausted.

But oh so excited too. So much new information, so many things to do to move my own work forward.

Part of me wishes I could do a conference every month -- the exhaustion would be an okay trade off for the enthusiasm. Maybe. Okay not so much.

Wasn't too exhausted to shoplift though. Here's a sampling:

"I can't make an effective doorstop." Truly I overheard this and am unclear whether the person was attempting to BE a doorstop, or was attempting to make one out of something else. Either way...weird.

"...and at my wife's Mental Health Conference..." Right -- this one isn't that odd until you think we were at a writers conference, where people try to gain writing skills, so all I could think was that his wife was trying to gain mental health skills. Do hope she was successful.

"You don't have to say 'hello' when you start with underwear." Yeah, there's an explanation, but I'm not sharing.

And my three favorite 'lifts' of the weekend: Pepe Negro, who played a role in an amusing practical joke, Organic Ben Wah Balls, (you only wish you knew what this meant), and the best euphemism ever, perfect for any occasion: "cover your cookies." (spend a few minutes with it, you'll see why I adore it.)

The Final Snippet: would be redundant.

Wednesday, April 21, 2010

That's What She Said

Usually, when I am in conversational shoplift mode, I write down things I overhear without putting any context in. Usually I recall where I was, who said it, and the context. Even why it sparked my interest.

Sometimes, though, I go to the notes function in my cell phone (where all my Shoplifts end up since I am umbilically attached to the damn Crackberry), and I come across something I don't at all remember hearing or capturing. then I wish I habitually supplied myself context.

Like for this:

"All she really needed was a trip to Belize."

I'm stumped -- who said it, where was I when I heard it? And how much wine was involved?

I get why I was taken with it. Fits my life perfectly at any given moment. There's a story in this one though. Good first line for something. Now that I re-discovered it, I am taken with it all over again.

I sense a short story coming on....

The Final Snippet: Extra exclamation marks are NOT an acceptable substitute for substance in an argument. (while I do know the context for this one, I'm not sharing it. It's a life learn it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)

Tuesday, April 20, 2010

SAT Level Analogies...for Writers

"Saying he sustained a traumatic brain injury is more diplomatic than saying he's brain-damaged." says one writer to another

"Right, just like immortal sounds so much attractive than undead," replied the other.

With thanks to JA.

The Final Snippet: "I'll drive myself to hell in my own hearse, thank you." (said a friend upon begin given a religious tract with a picture of a hearse on the front.)