(In which a writer shares her actual thoughts as experienced in the first few minutes after the actual completion of an actual book proposal).
1. Vodka. Need Vodka.
2. Writing is vile, wretched and hard. What was I thinking?
3. Holy crap, I am freaking brilliant.
4. Uh, this is terrible. Awful. What was I thinking?
5. 38 pages. This is perfect. The best book proposal ever written. Clearly I will land an amazing book deal in the next few moments.
6. What was I thinking?!?!?!?
7. It feels excellent to have finished such a long, involved and detailed task. Even if the idea doesn’t sell right away, I am pleased with the accomplishment of having gotten this far.
8. I am an idiot. The rejections will be epic and unparalleled, and I will forevermore sit on the double super-secret blacklist that all agents have, which they take out and laugh about over fabulous martinis in Manhattan, while sitting in bars from which I am also clearly banned for life.
9. I finished, I finished. Nyah, nyah, na-nyah nyah!
10. So. Schizophrenia. At least I have that going for me.
Actual thoughts. I kid you not. Still, it feels good to have finished the whole non-fiction book proposal. Now I wait. And hope the schizophrenia does not get the best of me in the meantime….